The Freedom of Having Nothing Left to Prove

At 76, I’ve discovered a freedom that never existed when I was younger.

It’s the freedom of having nothing left to prove. I’m the person whose developed habits and nuisances over the years, that I feel comfortable with.

For most of my life, I was proving something. I worked hard, raised children, paid bills, met deadlines, and tried to do the right thing. Like many people, I spent decades measuring my success by what I accomplished and what others thought of me. But not anymore. I don’t shower everyday. I don’t put on make-up just to drive to the store, unless I just want to. Most of the time I don’t want to. And that’s all ok with me.

I wanted to be a good employee. A good mother. A responsible citizen. A dependable friend. There is nothing wrong with those goals. They gave purpose to my life. I use to focus on pleasing everyone as I believed I was being judge whether I’m a good person or not.

But somewhere along the way, I became exhausted from carrying the weight of other people’s expectations. Instead, I learned how to fit in. But now it’s different. I pay my own way and I don’t care what others think of me. I’m respectful and kind. That’s all that matters to me. I hate no one in this world.

Age has a way of stripping away the unnecessary.

You begin to realize that not everyone will approve of your choices. Some people will misunderstand you. Some will criticize you. Some will think you’ve made mistakes. It doesn’t bother me. I can’t read minds, and I’m not a celebrity, so I never worry about reading about myself in print. So no worries!

And that’s okay.

One of the greatest gifts of growing older is discovering that you can survive the disapproval of others.

These days I write because I love writing. I travel because I enjoy seeing what lies beyond the next highway exit. I sit quietly on my porch because it brings me peace.

I no longer feel the need to explain myself to everyone. But occasionally, I’m asked if I’m afraid traveling alone? My answer is always “No”.

That is freedom.

I don’t have the newest car. I don’t live in a fancy house. My life doesn’t look like the retirement advertisements filled with luxury cruises and beachfront condos. All that is fake. Material things and shiny objects will not make your retirement years great.

Instead, my life looks like early mornings with coffee and a laptop. It looks like stories waiting to be written. It looks like dreams that are still alive, even after seventy-six years .So, the trick is to learn how to dream, no matter how small or how large.

I have learned that a meaningful life doesn’t require anyone else’s permission. Not my children’s permission or anyone else.

The older I get, the less interested I am in impressing people and the more interested I am in being genuine. The more interested in living in peace, living a simple life with least decisions to make. I want to feel like a kid again.

If I want to write about aging, I write about aging. It brings me joy, plus I get to know myself a little better.

If I want to spend the afternoon watching birds or sitting beside a creek, I do that. If I want to start over at an age when society expects me to slow down, then I start over. The creek fuels my dream world. The serenity of flowing water soothes my soul.

The truth is, I have already lived through enough successes and failures to know that neither one defines me.

What defines me is my willingness to keep living fully. And why not? I deserve it.

Many people assume aging is about loss. It’s not. It’s a natural process of life. No denying that. You’re born into this world, live a lifespan and go out of this world hopefully living a full life. You will age throughout the whole process. So embrace aging. Don’t fear it.

I’ve experienced some losses, certainly. I’ve lost people I loved. I’ve lost opportunities. I’ve lost versions of myself that belonged to another season of life. I’ve made my share of mistakes, but it was all done with good intentions at the time.

But I’ve gained something, too.

I’ve gained perspective.

I’ve gained courage.

And I’ve gained the freedom that comes from realizing I don’t need to prove my worth to anyone. My worth was never tied to my job title, my bank account, or the opinions of strangers. It was there all along. No one. If you don’t like me —that’s okay. I only need one good friend anyway. Actually one is really enough.

At 76, I still have dreams. I still have curiosity. I still have stories to tell. I still have plans. I’m still looking for that ultimate satisfaction in life.

And perhaps that is the greatest freedom of all.

Knowing that the person I am today is enough. And I am enough. My life is peaceful and every new day is something I look forward to. I am blessed and I’m thankful for it all.

Thanks for reading.

Kindly, Carol